Clichés will lead you to believe that grooms pop the question and then simply show up to the wedding. However, that could not be farther from the truth — grooms are more than happy to participate in planning their dream wedding.
While most decisions are made by couples together, a good deal of elements are traditionally within the groom’s wedding responsibilities. What are these duties? How can you be an equal partner in planning and executing your wedding?
The Groom’s Wedding Responsibilities
Think of wedding planning as a precursor to your upcoming marriage where, ideally, both partners share equal responsibility. As the groom, it is also your responsibility to make sure that the wedding is planned down to the letter. That means being as involved as you can throughout the planning process – not simply being present but actively sharing your opinions and helping your bride make decisions.
Here is a list of duties expected of grooms before, during, and after their wedding:
The Groom’s Pre-Wedding Responsibilities
Decide on Your Entourage
The wedding entourage plays an important role in a Filipino wedding. These individuals have a close relationship with the couple and often provide support. A Filipino entourage consists of principal sponsors, secondary sponsors, best man, maid of honor, groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girls, and bearers.
Typically, the couple selects representatives from both sides of the family. So, the groom has to be involved in selecting the members of the entourage. However, the groom has full control over who to include as his groomsmen.
The groomsmen, particularly the best man, take on various roles throughout the wedding to support the groom. So, grooms should select their groomsmen carefully. Instead of falling into the trap of asking people out of politeness, use our guide on how to choose your best man.
Choose people in your circle that you can trust will be responsible enough to fulfill their responsibilities as groomsmen.
Choose the Wedding Band with the Bride
Most of the groom’s responsibilities are shared with the bride because they need to make most of the decisions together. This is especially true of things that will last for a long time, like wedding bands.
Grooms must make it a point to be present in selecting a wedding band. By participating in this process, you can find a wedding band that you and your partner are satisfied with.
Choose the Attire for Groomsmen
You are also responsible for choosing what you and your groomsmen will wear.
You will need to find a store to buy or rent a wedding suit or tux or a tailor to make a bespoke one for you and your entourage. Go there with your groomsmen to select a style and get the right fit for everyone.
When choosing your attire for your wedding, consider your wedding’s theme. You may choose to wear a color that matches or complements the wedding’s color theme or have your groomsmen wear those colors.
Buy a Gift for the Bride
A trend among young couples is to exchange meaningful gifts on their wedding day as another symbol of their love and commitment.
Naturally, the task of buying the gift for the bride falls upon the groom. You know your bride well so you are the best person to find a gift that she will appreciate.
Of course, you may enlist the help of your groomsmen or the maid of honor in affirming your choice or hiding it from your bride-to-be. Apart from these being the best man and maid of honor responsibilities, these two individuals probably know what your bride would appreciate.
Plan the Honeymoon
Filipino wedding traditions dictate that one of the groom’s wedding responsibilities is to plan the honeymoon. This includes selecting the destination, booking the flights and accommodation, as well as plan romantic activities.
Nowadays, though, it’s not uncommon for this responsibility to be shared with the bride as well. Some brides may prefer to be consulted; though others may want a surprise.
Regardless of how much your bride wants to be involved in planning the honeymoon, the cavalier thing to do is to take on the majority of the workload in this respect. Make sure to research thoroughly and plan activities that you will enjoy as a couple.
Prepare the Thank-You Gifts for the Entourage
The tradition of giving the entourage thank-you gifts is done to show your gratitude for their support during the wedding.
While the bride may include your side of the entourage in buying thank-you gifts, don’t leave her to do it all. Help out however you can – help wrap the gifts or prepare the cards if you’re not buying the gifts yourself.
Arrange the Marriage License
Before you can get married, you need to get a marriage license from your local civil registrar. This is a requirement whether you are having a civil wedding or a Catholic church wedding.
Make sure to prepare all the document requirements you’ll need to submit. Different municipalities have different requirements, but the basics are:
- Identification cards
- Birth certificates
- Community tax certificate (Cedula)
- ID Photo
- Certificate of No Marriage (CENOMAR)
While the bride organizes other details of the wedding, take this task off her plate. Research the requirements of the municipality and submit them ahead of time to make sure you get the marriage license on time.
Write Your Wedding Vows
Depending on the type of wedding you’re having, you and your bride may decide to write your vows.
If so, it is your sole responsibility of the groom to write his vows, just as it is the bride’s to write hers. Although, you may ask for your best man’s opinion to refine your writing.
Your vows don’t have to be a literary masterpiece but they do need to be genuine.
Make Transportation Arrangements for the Entourage
This is not an absolute requirement, but if your venue is somewhat remote, it is the groom’s duty to make arrangements for the entourage’s transportation.
Coordinate with your entourage if they need a shuttle service or parking arrangements.
The Groom’s Responsibilities on the Wedding Day
Give the Officiant the Fee or Donation
While it is customary to let the maid of honor or the best man hand out payments to wedding vendors, the groom traditionally pays for the fee or donation of the officiant.
You may ask your best man to hold on to the payment and hand it over to you after the ceremony. This is also an opportunity to express your gratitude to the officiant.
Greet the Guests at the Reception
Another wedding tradition is for the couple to go around the reception venue to greet and chat with the guests. This is done by the couple so the groom must make sure to participate in this duty with his wife on their wedding day.
Bust Out Your Dance Moves
Perhaps one of the most well-known wedding traditions for the groom is the first dance. However, the groom will not only dance with the bride on the wedding day. You’ll also dance with your mother and new mother-in-law and, in some instances, perform with your groomsmen.
Practice the dance steps earnestly and perform as well as you can. You won’t regret exerting effort to perform the dances well as these will eventually become special moments.
Cut the Cake with the Bride
No reception is complete without the cake-cutting ceremony. This tradition symbolizes your unity as a couple and your promise to support each other.
As the groom, it is important that you coordinate with your bride how you will cut the cake and feed each other. This will help avoid accidents that could ruin the mood.
Hand Out the Gifts to Your Groomsmen
Toward the end of your wedding, hand out your gifts to your groomsmen. It would be a good idea to help your bride by handing out gifts to the whole entourage.
The Groom’s Post-Wedding Duties
Return Rented Clothing
If you rented out any piece of clothing for your wedding, make sure to return your suit or tux on or before the return date. If you’re unable, ask someone to do it for you.
Check the suit’s pockets for any belongings and make sure you give it back in good shape.
Write the Thank-You Notes
Another wedding tradition is to send thank-you notes to the guests. Ideally, this should be done a week after the wedding, so it’s best to team up with your new partner in writing the thank-you notes.
Split up the workload so that you write the notes for those you’re each close to. This will make the task easier.
Get Started on Your Wedding To-Do List
Don’t limit yourself to our list. The groom’s responsibilities for the wedding are all about being an equal participant in the planning process. Do your best to be involved in the decision-making to make your wedding genuinely special.
Author: Lorainne Pangalangan
Lorainne spends most of her days writing. When she's not writing, she reads novels and poems, watches theater, attempts watercolor art, and puts on a full face of makeup to watch another sitcom.